Wednesday, April 15, 2015

10 Years

10 years is a long time. Yet, a decade can pass us by just like that...like the blink of an eye. 

Read this quote once, printed on the wall at a pizza joint. This crazy author man who I kind of admire named Oscar Wilde said, "No man is rich enough to buy back his past."

On this day, near this time, exactly a decade ago my past was stamped with tragedy and my 'perfect' world was changed forever.

A loss I have been marked by and mourned ever since.

Milestones like this one often carry with them something that turns the tide. A lesson that requires reflection before demanding you make a choice based on the knowledge you now have.
--

10 years after losing my mother. Making it here, I am faced with the scene of my life looking vastly different than I thought it would.

When I consider my progress, my process, everything is ongoing still. My accomplishments, my circumstances, are still not what I thought they would be.

I can't say that they are better or worse. What I can say is that my life is not littered with senseless things or fruitless experiences. That, I feel, is good.

On the outside, I feel I don't have much to show. Yet, while I know am still healing, I also know my soul is well. My spirit, rich.
--

Last night, I met this woman who is in her 'later years' and she told of the hard, sorrowful life that she has endured. Outliving siblings, her husband and even a son. My heart questioned my God asking, "Jesus, what becomes of people like us?" Those who feel isolated and alone in that which they did not choose.

Then poignant lyrics* seeped in like raindrops on my soul,

Your Love is sweeter than honey,
Your Love is stronger than death
Your Love lifts me of my burdens
...teaches me to dance

In that moment, I felt the promises of a Father for His daughter over this woman I'd only just met. Promises to never leave or forsake her. Promises of a hope that will last her far beyond all those years.

I was moved by the tears she shed in sharing her story, as they dried into this small, sweet smile by the end of our night together. The glimmer in her eye spoke of something more.

(Later I also learned why, that just a few weeks before she had made the decision to give the seemingly little she has left, to Jesus. To follow Him with everything into whatever is next.)

Driving home, I was so grateful for our conversation. It reminded me of all that I have been challenged with throughout this past week. Like how I can't spend my life being ruled by my emotions, instead I must every day choose peace, choose joy.

Doesn't mean I'll never cry, or miss what was. It means rest in remembering what holds the most value. Fixing my eyes on the eternal.

Trials and tribulation will come, Jesus said, but be of good cheer.
Don't store your treasure where moths and rust can destroy, He warned, but where every tear will be wiped away and death is overcome.
To follow him, we must be ready to forsake all- even fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, husbands and wives- because ultimately we take nothing with us.

Doesn't mean all else is not of value. Just means there is order in the Kingdom. It means my priority above every good thing, every precious relationship, must be Jesus. Because it is from him that all else flows and multiples.
--

To this day when I think of my beautiful mother, when I consider the purity of her face, I recognize that though she had a wealth of good things on earth, her treasure was truly in heaven.

She understood that for us, Home, is a world away.

Every April 15th, I am met with something that should daily impact me. The truth that I was created for more than I can physically collect on this earth. We all were. And if we are to make the most of our few days, we will live like we own nothing and have access to everything.

By following Jesus to whatever end. To whatever height. Through whatever dark valley. Holding the brilliance of His Kingdom in our heart....

And if there is some thing else hidden inside that we would not part with tomorrow, we must be brave enough to reevaluate that idol which grips our inmost part.



* 'Lockstep' - Will Reagan & United Pursuit Band

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