Prioritizing the Presence

Sitting here at the hotel cafe in Siem Reap, seemingly "at the end to all things," a question lingers. One that has probably been there all along, but now more than ever is rising to the surface. It is flooding my awareness with its reality. It will no longer be silenced. No longer can it be contained by depths and leagues. So, I ponder it. I seek it out in response. And I wrestle with it. Struggling, flailing and failing at times. "What does it really mean to prioritize God's presence?" Outside of Battambang, soon outside of Cambodia, outside of this team and me.

These five days of debrief alone have shown me how easily it is to revert to our old self-looking out for what we want and pursuing our own comforts. We are only a few hours away from the place we called home and the people we invested our lives in and gave so much of our love. Yet, I find that the compassion with which we championed and immersed ourselves in now threatens to become stagnant. Sometimes, I feel that its power is growing faint. A cloud of judgment has crept over amidst the cat-calling of restless tuk-tuk drivers, bombardment of eager (even pushy) market-sellers and abundance of people begging on the bustling  streets. Slowly, but surely, its heaviness blotting out the sun. Concealing its rays to the point we forget the light we knew before. Going unnoticed in the whole process. Yes, it is a wonder how fast things can change.

Remember what life was like before? All those months. Remember what we said? The stirring in our guts. That reality is still available. It is still there. It has always been and always will be. All we have to do is ask ourselves a little question to return to the realm of our whole being. To again walk with clear vision and steady footing enlightened with the knowledge that God surrounds and pervades everything. To make it back to our original intention of continually being made whole.

Am I prioritizing God's presence? Am I bringing His kingdom as I said I would? Or dulling my senses with worldly musings, by trading wisdom for stone. Right here, right now, today . . .seriously WHAT ARE WE BRINGING?