Be Thou My Vision

photo credit: Cammie Bullock

Vissionary. Vision. What do these words even mean? Scripture tells us that "without vision the people perish." People have vision. That much I know. And in my mind (at least for most of my life) 'other' people have vision. Great dreams and aspirations for their own lives and the world around them. Great opportunities with which they invite us along for the ride. It has always made sense for me to come under someone else's vision. Which I have always considered and contemplated with joy. I love to see people around me succeed, so of course I want to be a part of that. But I am now unfolding the mysterious truth of how God means for us all to carry vision. We each get our own.  Our own unique expression of how to prepare for His return. We may not know what it is in its entirety or be able to flesh out the details, but it is there. The seed of something bigger that is just waiting to be recognized, planted and tended to. One woman described it as being "pregnant with vision" and how it feels to carry it from stage to stage with the ups and downs all the way to birth. The conception of vision requires our DNA mixing with God's DNA. We exist to co-create with the Maker of the universe. We get to foster our vision. We get to endure the hardship and joy of birthing it. We get the priviledge to train it up in the way it should go just like we would any natural born child. We get to make sure it looks more like Jesus that it does us.

 I feel like God wants to open my eyes to pursue Him in this place that I never thought was really for me. That I never imagined to be my strength. But I am excited for this chance to go to the Lord and ask Him what piece I get. What's the vision piece that I get? I already know what the purpose of my life is, but now I get to dream with the Lord about the cause I get to give my life to. I get to look at my passions for writing and music and art, my hunger for travel and adventure, and my heart for family and community. I get to hear the Lord on how to specifically bring His Kingdom with my whole life. Right now I am intrigued by the ideas of pioneering and planting a community. Doing something new with a committed group of people. Doing life together with the expressed purpose of bringing heaven to earth with every aspect of our lives. Such broad terms. But I have to start somewhere. This season I want to continue to do things that I have never done, make mistakes, getting up and getting it right the next time. I want to be open to the word of the Lord that "This is the year that changes everything." Not just for the Awaken school and our family but for my individual life as well.

"Pressed Down, Shaken Together and Running Over"

I have been thinking a lot about the F-word these past couple weeks. I feel like being commited to missions causes it to pass through my mind multiple times in a day. And I am finally beginning to see how it can be (and is) a good thing.

Finances. Hasn't always been fun stuff for me, especially with $30,000 of school debt dragging behind me*. Even on good days there is this reminder that I still have so far to go. Being commited to missions now brings that to a whole other level. Every single day, for practically every single thing I am asking and relying on other people to give me. It is a super humbling experience, yes, but it is also has so much to do with trust.

Last month, those of us who have jumped into the Leadership Track this quarter read Loren Cunningham's "Daring to Live on the Edge: the Adventure of Faith and Finances." The founder of Youth with a Mission, himself, details story after story and miracle after miracle over the past few decades. It is crazy to realize how God has literally provided thousands, MILLIONS, of dollars-- seemingly out of nowhere at times. It goes beyond funding outreaches or pioneering bases, too. It's about walking in the fullness of what it means to follow Christ. It is about relinquishing control, laying down rights and choosing Jesus above everything else that makes sense in this world.

For me choosing Jesus looks like finding joy as I grow in patience. I have been here before; living this life commited to a YWAM base where everyone from the top down lives on monthly support. Which is a blessing to be under leadership who don't ask you to do anything that they haven't done. But this time around I am looking at least a year on my own without income that I can't win for myself. I don't get to physically provide for myself (and I don't live at home anymore, so there's no grace their either). On top of that, I have the understanding that being frustrated or stressed out by that is sin. I don't have a right to have a good job or a job at all. I don't have the right to choose how and when the money I need will come. It isn't right for me to put my faith for my current lifestyle or my hope for my future in Money.

Living off of monthly support as I do this Leadership Track, move into staff training next month and then staff the Awaken Disciple Training School from July-December is new and risky and terrifying at times. But it is right where I am supposed to be. It has taught me another facet of the joy of thanksgiving. I can be so grateful when there's $48.51 in my bank acount and I still need $300 dollars for rent. Because there is this tension, that puts the Lord on the spot and I know He is either going to provide or He is not. That same tension puts me on the spot as well. Because I am either going to trust Him or I am going to be faithless. I am  given the option to choose to remember all the times He has come through for me in the past or believe the enemy's lies and succumb to fear.

The Bible reminds us the the Lord cares for us more than birds and flowers, it beckons us to recall that God is not a man that He should lie. When He promises something it is fulfilled and when He sends a way is made. That is how God's economy works and I love it.

"The eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him."-2 Chonicles 16:9

"'The silver is Mine and the gold is Mine,' declares the Lord of hosts."-Haggai 2:8

Even though the fig trees are all destroyed, and there is neither blossom left nor fruit, and through the olive crops all fail and the fieds lie barren even the flocks die in the fields and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will be happy in the God of my salvation."-Habbakuk 3:17-18

"Then He said to them, 'beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possesions.'"-Luke 12:15

No comfort is to be found in our finances. There will always be someone who is worse off and someone who is better off in comparison to me. Strength and steadfastness come from God alone. That's why I can praise him when PayPal notifies me about the $72.00 that just got donated. I get to fire myself from asking 'Why?' ..."God, you know I need $600 within the next two weeks. Why isn't it coming in? Why isn't there more? Why aren't the people I love supporting me? Why does it have to be a struggle again?" For those are entitlements, too. God is so much better that knowing!! He is ALWAYS faithful. He is forever good. Jesus really is so worth it.



*Some recent breakthrough that I am excited about is in the area of school loans. All this education on biblical finances has allowed to have a much clearer perspective on seeing these things the way God does. How being in debt really is being enslaved to whoever you owe money to. Whoa! I have been a slave! Thankfully, there is such freedom in seeing things the way God does. I used to think that I had to debt-free to commit to being debt-free. So dumb! I can commit that to the Lord now and then watch Him fight for me. He knows I can't dig myself out of the ditch and it is never His desire to leave me there. I wish I could have learned this earlier, but I am glad I did now. So stoked to see the way this miracle unfolds--Psalm 37.

To give a one-time or monthly support gift click the PayPal link (above right) or call the University of the Nations-Kona Donor Processing to donate directly (tax-deductable) to my Missions Account-#5951  at 808-326-4428. All fan mail and baked goods may be sent to:
75-5851 Kuakini Highway
#371
Kailua-Kona, Hawaii
96740-2199 USA 

Awaken Kingdom Family

April 21, 2013- Today is a glorious day. Awaken pioneer, our original and ultimate school leader Andrew York marries the beautifully magnificant Terry Lee. Together they usher our growing family into a greater impartation of what love looks like and means to be family.

This union brings together friends from all over the world, Awakeners past and present. Our school gets to watch it all, experience the amazingness that is going on and carry on the legacy set before us- uniquely and in greater measure. I firmly believe that. One, because ' Uncle Andy' told us so. But moreso, because I know it's true.

Two days ago, Andrew York, Erica Gusterson, Kat Hobin, Matthew Scapparotti and Chris Chun sat with our Awaken crew for an hour before our Awakening Leadership Track family time(which consists of sharing Scripture memorization and testimonies). They spoke to us about the vision and history of this school we have taken part in through DTS and have now chosen to come back to staff. Our vision is simple... HAHA we don't have one!  After many attempts, it has never been pinned down. But that's okay because the history  sums it all up. Awaken has been and continues to be all about people commited to pursuing God's presence in community. That's how it started and I know without a doubt that's what it will continue to be. Awaken is a bunch of friends following the Lord together, prioritizing His presence and celebrating it above all.

Ahhhh! I love it. This is so my heart. What I long for. What I am desire to live out. Kat asked me last week what I imagine when I envision heaven. I hadn't thought about it much before, but I spoke about this dream I have. Of a group of epic friends huddled around a fire in the woods. Intimate fellowship in wild beauty. Hanging out with people I love for eternity. This is what I see this 2013 Awaken school as. We are made up mostly of teammates and leaders, friends and family from the past few DTSs. All gathered around this thing that changed our lives. This Man, Jesus, we believe in. Commited to seeing the new, fresh, insane things He wants to pour out each day. Commited to being a part of it and receiving it for ourselves as well. Commited to His love and will being unleashed on all our friends as well. Because we know we need Jesus and we know Jesus desires for us to experience and enjoy His presence in community.

I am so excited for how these 30 Awakeners are going to be knit to my heart during the Track. I thirst for the way we are learning to walk out Awaken and hunger for how we will uniquely champion this name in 2013. For we are truly standing on the shoulders of giants. And yet, we are not intimidated. No, we are encouraged! AWAKEN carries FAMILY! That is who we are, there is no way we could be anything else. So, here's to pursuing Jesus forever with the ones that we love, to 'Uncle Andy' and his lovely bride Terry!!! May the glorious blessing of this phenominal union rain down on us all. 

"Abide in Me, and I in you....that your joy may be made full....This I command you, that you love one another ....and you will testify also, because you have been with Me from the beginning."

|John 15-NASB|

nechmad

A little while ago, a man posed this question: What is the most important part of salvation to you?

I did not tell him this then, but now I will.

For me the most meaningful part of salvation is linked to my recent revelation of the Gospel. And the ways my heart has uniquely connected to it in the last nine months. The idea of sons and daughters coming home. Raised from the ashes, like one John Mark McMillian song goes. I look at the Gospel as a perfect Creator with innate family-Father, Son, Holy Spirit- and this God's desire to share creativity and love and build His family. That's why he created man and the earth. Then there is Man's fall due to pride and choosing to believe the lie that he could somehow do better than God's defined pleasure and perfection. The Bible is a story about God getting His family back by giving his Son. Not leaving them to themselves. In spite of ourselves. It's about sons and daughters coming home to Him. Back into pleasure and wholeness and family. 

Kingdom family. 

Salvation.

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11, Psalm 51, Jonah 2

Believing what is Promised

my recent contemplations have resolved around this belief I have that i want to change

 because I know it is not true.

the belief that I will wake up tomorrow.

I know that I have this belief based on how I live.

putting things off until the next day

assuming I have time

making plans for next week without first taking advantage of today.

I know that this belief is not factual

because there are people all over the world who were here yesterday

but have not life left in their bodies to say the same today

people like my uncle.

(people like my mom.)

taken suddenly

and we are surprised.

even i was in shock though I have been comtemplating this faulty belief

every day for over a month.

i want a different story

one where i wake up and live the most of my day

not hoping for something other than what i was given

but eager to walk through the minutes and hours

unfolding each new or normal opportunity with thanks

finding joy in the quiet

choosing joy in the chaos

accepting the joy of the unknown

appreciating and investing in the people before me

whether i have chosen them or not

taking risks with the hope that everything will work out

that it all will come together

and be intensely good,

each echo of my voice

every ounce of vulnerability

matters in the grand scheme of things

i know my limited mind cannot grasp.

i want to give back everything i am

give more of my all as seconds glide by

for we have all heard that precious saying,

that "tomorrow is not promised"

yet still bank on the rest of today.

what if we ran with what we were given?

what if we loved without fear and regret?

(and without fear of regret?)

what if we only looked back to strain forward?

what if we forgave so we all could go home?

what if we rested joyfully in our waiting?

and what if we decided with the miracle of our seeing the morning on our determination to do it...

to press go?

Marvels & Musings

"Understanding compassion- what it means to walk that out every instance. Choosing the right habit when it's easy, but then continuing to choose it the second it gets hard. Like where desperate joy for the things of God turns into straight up desperation. A crying out of, " God! I am in need!" Compassion for those you want to serve, for those you are serving with as a family, and receiving it from the one who sent you to serve in the first place."

I found this little unfinished blurb. A revelation from 'wandering' around Hilo with people I barely knew. Friends I can now call family. As I remember (what I like to call 'Team Asia's sketch faith journey'...you can ask me about it sometime if you have no clue what I am talking about), it reminds me of how much hope I can have. Because each and every day the things that I learned there are still true.

I am still experiencing the depths of what it means to have compassion and how it feels to embrace it.

I have been reading Romans lately. So many things strike me. The simple Gospel. God's promises. His goodness. How just He really is. Most of all his compassion on us. Gentiles. Slaves. People who get to be sons because the firstborn messed up. Grafted in, awaiting the original branches return. Oh man, and how glorious the fruit of Father's compassion on them will be!

I love when Romans turns back to Hosea, mostly because I love Hosea.
Concerning the Gentile , God says in the prophecy of Hosea, 
"Those who were not my people, 
I will now call my people. 
And I will love those
whom I did not love before."
And,
"Then , at the place where they were told,
'You are not my people,'
there they will be called
'children of the living God.'" *

Paul goes on to explain how Israel, the firstborn, will see the Gentiles partaking in their promise. Their jealousy will be roused by those who were not even looking for God but found him. By those who weren't even asking, yet God revealed himself to them. In the end, God is faithful to His people and good to those who in the beginning were not. His compassion rains down   . . .no. . . floods down upon them both (Romans10:19-11:15).

He is a compassionate God. Making us a compassionate people.
wow.

* Romans 9:25-26, The SourceView Bible

such a time

How many of us know that feeling when you don't get the answer you were expecting? Or not the way you were necessarily expecting it? That is life a lot of times right. Probably most times. That is what makes it wonderful! The way situations in life come together to complete pictures we could only imagine in our hearts. The way God births realities in ways we could never orchestrate of our own power. Nor would the routes He chooses ever fall under our natural will.

I am more cognizant of this, after a few weeks in Vegas have led to the realization that I am staying longer than I intended and without a date to say when it will come to an end (that is not months away). I have to learn how to live life here again. I have to adjust. I have to trust that the change in me and all the differences supercede the 'normal' routine of an old life. I have to be confident that I am present here for this season, for multiple reasons and continue seeking God's heart starting with what is most tangible. Because sometimes it really is that simple. 

I was talking to my dear friend Mrs. Rivka Bundra who is moving to New York with her husband and 5 kids (including a baby girl who is partying it up in her womb*) in just a few short days. The time that I have been able to spend with this woman -who has basically become the big sister I never had- before her clan heads across country is proof enough of how gracious and intentional God really is. And how He is in the business of making all things beautiful, especially the way we spend our time. Last night she suggested, "Look at what is right in front of you." Meaning adjust your sights to praying into what it looks like to let Holy Spirit lead you in pursuing relationships here at home instead of wildly chasing them. Partner your presence with those that would have it and running with those who are hungry for more in this life. Be available to those who are also thirsting to abandon the snares of the world and take up the freedom that resides in this joy-filled calling of Kingdom family. We we made for such a time as this.

Some days, I miss Kona and the relationships that I built and lived in there. Some nights, I miss Cambodia and the priceless investments planted in the rich soil there. I remember those days and nights when I missed Vegas, though. Here I am. Now, what am I going to do? Ms. Kortney Krugar (one of those lovely homes I found in the form of my sweet Awaken friend) put it so well the other day in a quick text, "...pursuing it back home, it's so easy to do it when that's the culture we were a part of and we had much encouragement along the way but now it's like: Home is where it begins. It's a challenge but I think without going for it at home, it will never become part of us!"

Shaka.

*Turns out this wasn't as accurate as we thought. Because, True Justice Bundra is very much a boy, we came to find out . Haha!