What does 2015 look like for you?

I read a quote the other day about how memories are monuments we build but we must look forward and continue to dream or we stop living.

When I look back over 2014, the faithfulness of the Lord was proven true in a new way for me-His material provision. He gave me a place to rest my head, a job, increased income, and before the year was over he even gave me a car. Precious time with family and friends that I may never get again. Adventures I will never be able to recreate on my own. And yet there is more.

With Jesus there is always more. 

2015 for me means more opportunities to learn and to teach. More moments of building family and pouring into the relationships around me. More adventures to be had and more gifts to steward. It is a good time to be alive. One worth being more vulnerable than ever before as I pursue being the woman God created me to be day after day.

"...to grow up is to accept vulnerability...to be alive is to be vulnerable,"

 - Madeleine L'Engle

I don't know what will happen in the next three hundred plus days. I like that though. I like that God won't just tell me. He'd rather I discover my life through relationship with Him. As my relationship with Him grows in depth, our greatest dreams together will be revealed. And experienced, yes!

#amwriting

9-17-14//11:46pm

tonight i noticed someone (or multiple someones) decided to go into my posts from a couple years ago. so i, too, revisited my musings from a time not so long ago. and i found parts of my soul again. i noticed where God planted things in my heart for youth and women, arts and creativity, worship and teaching. where He marked me with the fear of the Lord, authenticity, vulnerability and prayer. where He knocked me over with His kindness and His love and challenged me with His character and His justice. these past few years have been quite revealing. i once was dead sleep, but now i am awake. and i find my eyes are still adjusting to the light as i learn to walk around. and engage all that surrounds me. thank God for grace. that He is so patient with me. with me coming to terms with who i am and thriving in my own skin. thank God for grace. for struggles and wins. i am glad to be able to look back and gaze upon who i have been, who i still am and who i am becoming. i know i must only see one piece to the intricate 1000 piece puzzle that is me. thank God my life is an adventure. and Jesus wants to be with me -through it all.

Take a Moment

"Take a moment to remember who God is and who I am 

There you go lifting my load again

No longer am I held by the yoke of this of world

Come up under the yoke of Jesus

His yoke is easy, His burden is so light"

- Will Reagan and United Pursuit

Spending time with my tribe in this season of deepening our relationships and enlarging our family has been one of Awakening. Not too surprising since that is one thing that I have chosen to carry. A part of me that I am passionate to walk out for the rest of my days.

God is giving me the eyes to see identity and the hunger to fight for it. My desire is for people to know God and to know who they are as a result of the overflow of the Love they feel. By being in His Presence. By seeking His Word. By encountering His character and being undone by His heart for them. 

Our circumstances and relationships are all meant to draw us into deeper relationship with Jesus. To give us a deeper understanding of the Father. As we fall in love with the Holy Spirit. It is all about Him. And our knowing, like really knowing, Him. It goes beyond knowledge, it's about being convinced in our hearts. He wants us to see Him, to touch Him, by our faith.

What will it take for us to trust? And let go of our wants, how we want them, when we want them? Trading them in for the wild unfolding of all that we presently lack the imagination to fathom.
Getting into God (who He is and how He loves), spending time with Him -and alongside a tribe that is doing the same- leads us into who we really are and what it is that we actually want.

We become who we were made to be and a beautiful life therein unfolds.

"Definitely an Adventure of a Lifetime!"

It seems like me and most people I know are still trying to figure out how to flesh out our passions and the vision for what we were made to do in this life. It's interesting. That so many people are in the same place of still figuring it out or just starting out even.

So, first off:
It is so easy to feel like we are alone in this.
But that is a lie.
Even when we feel lonely we are never alone (but that's another post for another time).
We are in this transition together.

We are really just feeling the tension of needing to rest when all we want is do.
Or needing to do when we have become so comfortable in the waiting room.
There is a balance to be achieved.
But we must start from a place of resting, for that is where vision ultimately overflows.
For some of us, it starts as a trickle and quickly hits waterfall status,
And for others it is a steady build.
In both cases it requires us to still our souls and return to our first Love.
To listen and learn,
And then go from there.

So, to all my friends with aching, unmet passions churning inside-
You are actually much closer than you think-
Don't be afraid to take a little more time,
Because there is no way you can miss it.
With eyes and heart set on the One who knows every hair on your head,
Remember He is capable and faithful to all that you are,
To all that you are becoming,
And will be in time.

Here is to the dreamers who will soon be introduced to the face of our dreams.

Joy Unspeakable

"These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full."

-John 15:11*

The elderly little black man sitting across from me on the bus this morning made my day. In his crimson polo, dark slacks, holding his matching briefcase and baseball cap. His demeanor was so content for those eleven stops or so. He left all too soon with the hour plus I had ahead of me. But sitting there, facing him, gave me such peace. His presence was felt. He looked like a father. And seasoned veteran. Hard-working and kind. I don't know his story, but much like his quiet humming he was simple yet impressionable. As he exited at his requested stop, he turned and offered such a genuine "Thank you" to the driver that I couldn't help but smile. And think...he gave me joy that he will probably never know of this side of heaven.

Only God knows how many of us are affected by unsuspecting people who are guilty of living their lives well. Living notably. Authentically. In a way that can speak to a stranger and touch a soul without any words.

I want to be that for someone else. And I want to experience this kind of thing everyday.

"The lives that have been the greatest blessing to you are the lives of those people who themselves were unaware of having been a blessing."- Oswald Chambers* 

*My Utmost for His Highest, August 31

Revelations of an Empty Tomb: The Advocate & the Gardener

i love the revelations of John. It has a Voice that has given me increased hope and perspective these past few weeks. As I have read chapters 19 & 20 over and over and over again.  

Jesus love for people is so evident. Above the miracles he did, his desire to be with people, to meet them where they were at and give them life, is what sticks with me the most. Even hanging on the Cross, i see him encouraging family and releasing freedom. Even there Love prevailed.

What a hope we have simply because we believe.

Chapter 20 is becoming one of my favorites, because all i see is God's grace. His tender-hearted patience in the midst of sorrow, fear and unbelief. What a gift he gave in allowing the men and women he loved, that loved him in return by following him while he was on the earth, to see him with their eyes once again. Mary didn't even recognize him at first,  thinking he was "the gardener" (which he is- for more heavy revelation of that one click here to hear Kat Hobin's  DTS teaching)  but that's okay because it takes us all the way back to Genesis and points to all Christ did to see-us- his family restored.

On that very same day, he walked through walls to surprise his closest disciples and friends. Then it zeros in on Thomas. i am convinced that Jesus didn't despise his situation.  That it was his joy to give Thomas what he needed to go on believing. Yes, the Scriptures say blessed are we who believe even while not seeing. But Jesus didn't love Thomas any less. And he wants us to see him, too! He wants us to want to touch him.

He came back a week later....for Thomas.

Verse 30-31 says, " The disciples saw Jesus do many miraculous signs in addition to the ones recorded in this book. But these are written that you may continue  to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing in him you may have life by the power of his name." 

Yesterday, I was watching a podcast from Elevation Church called 'Peter & the Packing Peanuts.' In it, Pastor Steven Furtick talks about Peter denying Jesus after he was arrested and how the Accuser (Satan) with a voice in our minds is bent on telling us lies about our character meant to destroy us in our moments of weakness. While it is Jesus, who sent us the Advocate (the Holy Spirit) who speaks with a Voice that means to work with us and remind us that those lies "are not who you are?"

The Enemy wants to shame us in our weaknesses, but the Advocate defends us, "No, you don't deserve it, but I call you worthy." We don't, by merit, deserve God's love. We can't believe enough to earn it or  'do right' enough to win it. It's an irrevocable gift that he has already given. i love that. We are Worthy anyway!
God honors us even when we're not honorable.( i see that in Jesus interactions with Pilate and the Pharisees even. The authority given to him by God, Christ humbled himself and submitted to it.)

Then there is Thomas. Downcast. Probably afraid. And hurt, too. Jesus left him. A feeling i can sympathize with. The understanding of knowing that in death Jesus mission on earth was complete. It doesn't quite fill the void of missing his presence. Thomas must have lacked the hope necessary to believe. His Light had been snuffed out (in his mind at least)- the world he knew turned upside down. The promise he'd held onto seemingly unfulfilled. He couldn't see Jesus anymore. And words could not tell him differently.

So, Christ came back. To encounter Thomas. To restore his sight and help him regain his belief. Because Jesus is that good, he is that faithful, he is kind. He doesn't despise us in our weaknesses, but beckons us to touch and take hold of the strength in his love.

"Put your finger here, and look at my hands. Put your hand into the wound in my side. Don't be faithless any longer. Believe!" -John 20:27

God sees the foolish things we do and reminds us that that is not who we are.. That Jesus came to fulfill his promise to free us and make us whole; make us look like him. No matter how hopeless our situations seem, he doesn't forget us. And he will have his way. Thomas shouts in verse 28, pain and doubt no longer suffocating his heart, "My Lord and my God!"

Jesus goes on to explain that seeing is not necessary to believe. That multitudes to come would believe despite having never seen him (at least not the way the disciples did) and for that they were to be called blessed- before the majority of them were even born. We are called blessed. Yes! But after Jesus spoke to Thomas, he took time to be with his bros and allowed them to see even more than they could have asked or imagined.

i love the empty tomb stories.i love that John knows he is loved-so secure in who Jesus says he is. i love Mary's dedication-passionate and enduring. i love that Peter, despite his denials, still ran into the tomb. And i love Thomas' honest vulnerability.

A lot of times i think we fail to see that Thomas (in a sense) was rewarded for that. He got to touch the wounds of Christ and physically identify with them, because it was what he needed. And Christ abounding in compassion granted him that. In love, He pursued Thomas in his deepest pain and darkest state back to belief.

Steven Furtick said something similar of Peter. Jesus knew he would fail him way before Peter actually did.

 Luke 22:31-32, " Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift each of you like wheat. But I have pleaded in prayer for you, Simon, that your faith should not fail. So when you have repented and turned to me again, strengthen your brothers." 

God knows us better than we could ever know ourselves this side of heaven. And he loves us anyway. He gives us so much grace and his mercies are new every morning. Even when we mess up, when we do things that suck, he always sees our screw-ups in the same way he witnesses our victories and he doesn't freak out. He has already forgiven us before we can even think to repent. He is the very reason we have a way back.

What is wild is God comes to us first. He pursues our restoration. From the Garden to being mistaken as the Gardener, he does it all. All we have to do is say, 'Yes.' Like Thomas, "My Lord and my God." Like Mary, "Rabboni!" 

Lord, thank you that you never leave us to ourselves. You always come back for us. And you do us one even better, you continue to give us what we don't deserve. Thank you for the Advocate, who reminds us who and whose we are...yours. 

"And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth....But when the Father sends the Advocate as my representative- that is, the Holy Spirit- he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you."-John 14:16-17a, 26

What is My Life?

April 1, 2014


When I wake in the morning my automatic default is this sentiment: "Father what is your will for me today? What would you have me do?" Resting in the ordinary of everyday is an adventure when we choose to view it through the eyes of Jesus. Every interaction becomes a gift, each struggle a promise of something more. 

The past month has been one of choosing contentment rather than complacency. Walking in the freedom God has granted me by continuing to dream with the rising of the sun, for what potential the present holds. Doesn't mean, I don't experience feeling like I am flailing on the inside. In those moments, I am most thankful for the Word of God. That I can anchor myself on Truth. On Jesus. Because of Him, I hope.

There is this line written on my heart, "Go, live a story worth telling." So, what am I penning with my life? This month, I turn 26 and I think...

most days i wonder what I am doing with my day
the openess
how i will fill it
how i can be pleasing to the Father
which is a lot more simpler than we all make it
God loves when his people love people
when they love themselves
and walk in who they are 
no matter where they are
not putting hindrances on how He wants to bring His kingdom
and when they will love Him
when i am not building relationships 
i must be throwing myself into His Word
because God is always preparing us 
and the next thing is going to be my best
but i must refuse to miss out on right now.

... I look around at my present circumstances, and I have hope for what is ahead of me still.